What if your heart is in more than one place?
How do you find home, when your heart is scattered?
Since we moved to this new city many things have been “good”.
I work with fun, exciting, passionate and skilled people. I enjoy the new challenge of a tertiary hospital and the house we have is nice. I like the peace and quiet of the area we live in and found a great place to get a good massage. People here are really, genuinely pleasant and welcoming. Smiles are common place, the city has plenty of things to do (as long as you aren’t arsey about what qualifies as things). Nine months in, I am starting to find my footing in a new social world. I have one new friend, one person I feel I can call if I was in need. I have several colleagues with whom I am friendly. I have developed a level of reputation that I think marks me out as Not-a-dick. I feel more confident that I can find my way to a place or go to a thing and not feel like an egg.
I have a theory that people here are just generally less stressed due to not spending quite so much time fighting their way through traffic. In Auckland, everyone gets to spend at least some of every day impacted by the overcrowded nature of the city.
People in Auckland are tired or frustrated or angry because they started their day early to avoid the traffic, or because they caught three buses to save on parking, or because they didn’t get back to pick the kids up in time. If they don’t drive they are frustrated by the difficulty getting where they are going. Every one is in a hurry. So they are more an edge if something slows them down…. Like when the lady in front of you at the supermarket can’t afford all her groceries. Instead of noticing her pain, we all get stuck in how it affects us: because she is taking so long, and the traffic is building….
I digress. This is not a post about what is wrong with Auckland, nor about what is great abut Hamilton.
It is a post about what I gained by moving here: peace, calm, time, space.
And what I lost : Family, friends, knowledge of where things are, confidence in a comfort zone.
I left behind pieces of my heart. I can go back and visit, but I can’t be there all the time, and visiting is not the same. I miss moments in time. I miss the spontaneity of just deciding. Of having some spare time at the end of the day and dropping into a friends house, assured that if I am not timely, I am still welcome. The freedom of knowing that at some point in each week, somebody is turning up to my house just to have a coffee and a chat. I miss Knowing that even the friends I hardly ever see are five minutes away if I need them. I miss Kerryn, and Dee and Vanessa and Lisa. I miss Steve and Craig. I miss my old life. I miss Thurdays! I miss my daughters. I miss seeing Erika everyday and knowing how she is from seeing her. I miss Alyssa just dropping in because she wonders if she left her shoes here. I miss Sam! I never see the guy anymore! I miss hearing the silly stories of everyday life that don’t get shared when you are catching up once a month.
My home is slowly becoming Hamilton. But my heart is not entirely here. I think, on balance it is mot likely hanging around in Huntly, feeling a little lost and vaguely confused.